7 Bizarre Surfing Inventions

Firewire Deviant Fin

So here’s the gist—it’s a fin that automatically tilts itself to adjust the cant so your board turns better, suffers less drag, and has a looser tail. The fin is MOTORIZED (how wild is that??) and a little watch battery is all it needs to calibrate itself to give you hot turning action. We can’t say whether this is the next big thing or a complete dud…well…because no one outside of Firewire has had a chance to ride this thing—but that hasn’t stopped it from being a controversial little bugger. The next big thing or dead in the water? What do you guys think? -----------------------------------------------------------

Shark Repellant Surfboard

This completely transparent board will actively SCAN the ocean for large aquatic animals, and upon location will fire off a “deterring signal designed to disrupt their electro-sensory perception system”. What could this disrupting signal possible be: Loud noises? Pheremones? Amy Winehouse? We have no idea. All we know is that this inventor wasn’t a big fan of aquatic wildlife. Or Amy Winehouse. Thankfully the board is completely transparent so you’ll be able to deduce exactly what’s going on first hand instead of y’know…surfing like all the other peasants without shark defense systems. -----------------------------------------------------------

Surfing Ship

While we realize you were lured here by the promise of mockery and irreverence, we actually think this one’s a pretty cool idea. Planes are great for small, light transport—they can travel much faster and more efficiently than ships—the Queen Elizabeth 2, for example (about the middle of the pack when it comes to fuel consumption in the water) consumes about 1 gallon of diesel for every 50 feet it travels. On the flip side, it can carry hundreds of times more cargo than any conventional aircraft. The crazy part about this invention is that it takes the huge cargo capacity of a ship and synergizes with the ocean reduce fuel consumption, creating this beast of a ship. Not only does this thing have the capacity to surf on waves with its 4 jet engines, but it can also GENERATE ITS OWN. That’s right—this ship can basically get its surf on, anytime anywhere and coast to shore fuel free by CREATING WAVES. Now if only you could tag along and surf those waves too… -----------------------------------------------------------

Ripcurl Electric Wetsuit

And by electric, we mean it’s heated. By electricity. In the water. Yep. The idea of a power heated wetsuit has been around for ages. No one likes freezing their buns off in saltwater, but when it comes down to choosing between that and getting electrified by your own protective gear, it made sense that people just bit the bullet and invented thicker wetsuits. The list of cons went on and on—assuming you ignored the electrocution aspect, there was always the problem of storing a bulky power supply, how the heating wires would affect the flexibility of the suit, and whether the suit would survive the heating process as opposed to melting. Ripcurl went ahead and tackled that problem head on for you. Apparently its so well done you can barely tell its different from a typical wetsuit…aside from the fact that you don’t freeze in arctic water. -----------------------------------------------------------

Walkie Talkie Surfboard

Have you ever wished you could bring your walkie talkie and a TomTom with you into the lineup so you could communicate your exact longitude and latitude to your buddies with lightning precision? Yeah, neither have we. Buuut in the event you’ve been meaning to get your nerd on, Designer Marco Torres has dreamed up the surfboards you’re looking for. Complete with a detachable screen that’ll pipe you up to minute weather updates and surf reports—so you can read about the water conditions instead observing them. Awwwwee yeeeeeeeeeeeee. -----------------------------------------------------------

Now combining the epic cool of surfing with the awesome action of frantically pedaling to achieve blazing speeds of up to 6 mph. That’s almost jogging speed! Have you got $1500 worth of useless cash just lying around waiting to be spent on the most unwieldy water equipment you’ve ever laid eyes on? THEN THE SURFBIKE IS FOR YOU. Surf Bike. $1499. Tell your friends. -----------------------------------------------------------

Surf Skiing

The unholy hybrid son of Stand Up Paddle Boarding and Skiing, taking this invention to a normal lineup will probably see you harpooned by all manner of surfboards hurled by angry locals. Granted it actually looks like a lot of fun, but in the guilty pleasure sort of fun that you’d get from cruising around with an age inappropriate Razor Scooter or joy riding your kid’s Power Wheels.  Would we do it? Hell yes. In public? Probably not. If you’re the kind to dive headfirst into new things irrespective of what other people think of you, you just might wanna give Surf Skiing a shot. Everyone else—steer clear…at least until no one else is looking.
Garek Hurt
Garek Hurt


1 Comment


May 07, 2014

hahaha. funnnnny shizzz.

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