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Salty’s Guide To: 7 Things Surfboards Have In Common with Unicorns

August 30, 2010 3 Comments


unicorns and surfboards

A great surfboard is somewhat of a mythical creature (except with Degree33... all their boards rock!). That's why when we find one we call it the "magic board". So I thought, "What other things are mythical and elusive?" And I found all these similarities to unicorns. Here are my top 7!

1. Made of candy. Little known fact: Unicorns taste like Mentos. The freshmaker. I didn’t say it was good candy.

2. Grants you to power to fire rainbows out of your skull. Hasn’t worked for you yet? You aren’t thinking enough wholesome thoughts while you paddle out on your surfboard. Perv.

3. Source of serious street cred. Nothing screams legitimate like riding your brand new unicorn into the surf while indiscriminately shooting rainbows out of your eyes. YEAAAAUUUUUUUUH!

4. Survives on a steady diet of sunshine and interpretive dance. So keep your surfboard happy and hit the surf every day OR SUFFER ITS ETERNAL, CANDY FLAVORED WRATH. Dance like it ain’t no thang once you catch a wave, or prepare to reap aforementioned CANDYWRATH.

5. Fin customizable. Like surfboard fins, a unicorn’s horn can be removed and replaced with all manner of comestibles, cooking implements, and military-grade defense turrets. Salty’s advice? Why settle? Get all three. Buy a burrito gun. It’s a gun. That fires burritos. Yeah you heard that right. Your local surf community will love you for it.

6. Mortal enemies with largish rock formations. Many surfers are shocked when they first realize their rides are vigorously allergic to rocks and sharp things. Salty recommends slathering your unicorn/surfboard with Claritin to protect it from harmful allergens and UV rays before you even venture outdoors.

7. Not fond of nutmeg. No one knows why. Found another similarity? Leave me a comment below.

3 Responses


May 07, 2014

I love Mentos! IT IS GOOD CANDY!!!!!

moma dukes 151
moma dukes 151

May 07, 2014

OK< what are you smoking? crack?

Luc Stokes
Luc Stokes

May 07, 2014

Salty you have some random thoughts… funny, but oh so random. :)

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