Category : Salty’s Thoughts

Salty’s Guide To: 7 Things Surfboards Have In Common with Unicorns

A great surfboard is somewhat of a mythical creature (except with Degree33… all their boards rock!). That’s why when we find one we call it the “magic board”. So I thought, “What other things are mythical and elusive?” And I found all these similarities to unicorns. Here are my top 7!

1. Made of candy.
Little known fact: Unicorns taste like Mentos. The freshmaker.
I didn’t say it was good candy.

2. Grants you to power to fire rainbows out of your skull.
Hasn’t worked for you yet? You aren’t thinking enough wholesome thoughts while you paddle out on your surfboard. Perv. Read the rest of this entry »

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Salty’s Guide To: Surfer Chow – 5 Must Haves to Get Your Grub On.

After a hard day’s surfing, the first, last, and only thing on your mind is finding something cheap, messy, and tasty to chow down on. Today Salty reviews the biggest and best of surfer cuisine. Go get a sandwich if you’re lame.

1. Sushi – What better way to celebrate the ocean in which you’ve just spent the afternoon frolicking, than voraciously consuming its denizens. Between the thinly sliced cuts of saltwater fish and the sea weed, it’s like EATING THE OCEAN, one tasty morsel at a time. And every surfer worth his salt knows that EATING THE OCEAN will make you surf better. Duh. Read the rest of this entry »

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Salty’s Guide To: The Surfer Lifecycle

As a surfer its vitally important you understand the changes your lifestyle and body will experience during the awkward juncture between kookdom and total surfing mastery. Hair in strange places, voice cracking. Y’know the drill, and Salty understands your pain. Here’s what you should expect.

Week 1: You suck. It’s actually kind of unreal just how monstrously bad you are. You might as well be a newborn made entirely out of pie for all the impact you’re having on where the ocean takes you. Despite your best efforts at forward propulsion, all your board does is complacently float in place. You try to casually sit on your ride so people won’t notice your flailing inability to catch waves, but your attempts at rudimentary balance are foiled as your board tosses you off like a sack of rocks every time you so much as blink. Read the rest of this entry »

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SALTY’S GUIDE TO: 7 Steps to Total Surf Domination

There are some other “guides” out there claiming to be able to teach you how to become a better surfer. I’m here to tell you that’s a load of crock. Technique? Working out?! PFAH! That’s how kooks do it.

Want to learn the secret arts of surfing that’ll ratchet up your shredding to unholy levels? Ole Salty’ll show you how it’s done. Read the rest of this entry »

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SALTY’S GUIDE TO: The Art of Picking Up Surfer Girls

Springtime is here and love is in the air. This episode, we’ve got a comic for all you lovely lonely hearts out there so you can snag the girl of your dreams.

Six battle tested techniques guaranteed to get her to fall irretrievably in love with you—featuring old favorites like Read the rest of this entry »

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